But today we are still focused on what limits the change. The term "change" mean the attainment of a status different from the usual, at any level. Change when we overcome the fear that blocks us, when we find the resources needed to achieve a goal, when we learn to shed light on the things we want and we want to achieve when we put order in our set of values \u200b\u200band so on ... Each time we act to achieve a "different state" than the ordinary one, we get a change.
One of the biggest limits to change, which characterizes the mind of every human being, is the need for "consistency" that is, once again, a direct consequence of our basic need for safety.
Just a reflection of a few minutes to understand what we need remain consistent with the principles we believe and how difficult it is to change opinion about something of which we are deeply convinced. People would be able to die in order to remain consistent with their principles and their convictions. The reason is clear: to live in a world so chaotic and heterogeneous, we need strong points of reference. The way we interpret external events, the way we relate to others, as well as all our behavior is based on the strong hinges that can not be challenged easily : if our mind constantly put into question its reference points, we would feel completely disoriented and our lives become virtually unlivable.
Let's take a simple example. Each of us has a set of "beliefs " ie a set of things of which he is deeply convinced .
Take for example a man who is convinced not be attractive to women. This kind of belief might be born after having received "two of spades," or perhaps because the man is "convinced" to be shy and not very interesting. The fact is that this kind of belief is rooted in his mind and has become a fixed point, a pole of reference which determines its existence. The biggest problem is that our mind - as I said - he needed a "exaggerated" to remain consistent with their beliefs. Here is this man, convinced that it is not attractive, just to prove to himself that he had "reason" will implement a series behaviors that will lead him easily to confirm his belief. In the limit could implement some sort of self-sabotage , just to remain consistent with his beliefs.
observes the typical behavior of a man who is not considered attractive. Suppose a woman at a party showing interest in him and this man suggests. The man at first you feel disoriented because they will be faced with an event that is not consistent with his belief. E 'likely that after a while, despite the obvious winks the woman is "convinced" that it is a mistake or misunderstanding. Think: "Probably bewitching smiles have turned to the man who is behind me" (perhaps the person behind him is objectively ugly, but just to remain consistent with his belief, it is "convinced" that it is more attractive than him) . That's the kind of thoughts that could emerge in the minds of our men:
- "probably the woman has an eye twitch and I exchanged for an invitation."
- "probabilmete must be a crazy depressed that satisfied the first that comes to shooting. But in reality it has no interest to me. "
-" that woman is taking the piss out of me. I'm sure my friends have organized a joke. "
- "button is trying to attack me just because I want to present my friend. Is using me as a link ... "
Then maybe his dearest friend comes over and says," but you realize as you see that woman? What are you waiting? . And now our man is even more puzzled because, once again, his conviction is being undermined by doubts. But his "need for consistency" is still there and find one thousand excuses to prove otherwise. And if that woman had to be insistent with their looks, even groped approach, our man will prefer to distance themselves: start to avoid cross eyes, pretend to be gripped by a political discussion, the limit will seek to hide behind a curtain. In other words, will the typical process of "self-sabotage " that aims to prove to himself that things are so , just as he is convinced that . Because there is nothing more "secure" and "reassuring" that said " I know who I am, I know how they are made, and this is how things are going .
What would happen if the man embarrassed the next day he found a woman who say they do not consider attractive: for nothing would be worth the winks the night before. His conviction was not attractive and the event is well-established negative does nothing but further strengthen this belief. By averaging should rationally believe to be attractive to some women and unattractive to others. But these mechanisms are not the domain of reason. Just one negative event to strengthen the conviction limiting, because the need for consistency, the need to say "have done so " is too strong to be challenged by two, three or four events contrary to their conviction.
is that if we want to achieve something and we believe we can not get, then you better not try this: Open the doors to fail and it boosts our belief even more limiting.
Have you ever heard someone say "I'm trying to quit smoking, but I'm not sure to succeed"? And 'he managed to stop smoking? If it was not persuaded to reach the goal, how could he ever get it? Even if he was firmly convinced of succeeding, it is said that we would succeed, why would so many other unpredictable factors could intervene. But imagine if already started with the conviction of failure! His mind would never have allowed her to sacrifice "Need for coherence."
obviously have strong convictions also has a positive value, when of course we mean empowering convictions. So who is believed to be brought to the mathematical calculations may be wrong ten times, but his belief in empowering the lead "so banging his head" on that book that sooner or later will solve the problem ... precisely because they believe themselves to be "good at math and can not deny this conviction.
who is convinced that "knowing how to deal with women" could take up to 10 consecutive poles, but did not resign, and when will be the eleventh time well, he will say to himself: " I knew that I could, because I've always known that I can do with women . The need to confirm his conviction has given him the resources necessary to repeatedly groped and try to change tactics and to tighten things up, to obtain the desired result .
Our belief system may be the source of unlimited power as the cause of dramatic failures . Very strong beliefs are the foundation of all great achievements of humanity. Thomas Edison is said to have failed as many as 10,000 times (!) Before he could invent the light bulb. If he had not according to the absolute conviction of being able to get light through the power would have surrendered at the second attempt. He was convinced to do it and nothing would undermine his conviction (even 10,000 failed attempts!).
The topic today is definitely expanded and developed. Be described techniques to remove limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering convictions. This topic will be the next post.
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